literature

Possessed Chapter 25

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I woke up in the morning to silence. It was so uncomfortable. Patch was once again not in the room with me. I went downstairs, still no Patch. I went outside to see him sitting on the front porch, taking a drag from a cigarette.

"Patch, those aren't good for you." I whispered from behind him.

He let out an annoyed laugh. "You freak out when I drink, Karma what the fuck am I allowed to do?"

I didn't reply.

"The funny thing is, I never made a promise to not drink or smoke, but I didn't because you didn't like when I would smoke or drink. But you made a promise. You promised you wouldn't cut. That's not what I saw last night. You're concerned about my health? Maybe you should focus in your health, like trying to keep your fucking food in your stomach." He spoke with no emotion.

That's when Malignant pulled up. He walked towards us looking as tired as ever. "Hey guys. Shit what happened to your arm Karma?"

Patch looked up at me to hear what I would say to Mali.

"I was cutting something, then I kinda tripped. The knife fucked up my arm. Patch fixed it though." Why was it so much easier to lie to my brother?

"As long as you're okay sis." Mali replied as he walked into the house.

"I don't want to worry him." I whispered to Patch.

He replied with another laugh of frustration before crushing the cigarette and walked back into the house leaving myself and my thoughts alone.

God I really fucked up.
...
When I finally went back into the house Malignant was in his room asleep and Patch was sitting on the couch staring blankly at the wall, probably lost in thought.

"If you want to leave you can." I whispered as I sat in the opposite end of the couch.

"What do you mean Karma." He sighed and looked at me.

"I broke your promise. You stopped caring about me. I don't blame you. If you don't want to be here anymore then you can leave." I was trying to fight back tears.

He sighed once more, when he spoke his voice was soft. "Karma, why would I stop caring about you?"

"Because, I'm stupid. I broke my promise. I broke it a while ago. The night you came back drunk." My voice was a whisper and I stared down at my hands.

"I know you did. I didn't know what to say or how to confront you. I noticed you haven't been eating too. I didn't know what to do Karma. I've been watching you fall apart in front of me. I haven't stopped caring Karma, I'll always care about you. That's why I cleaned up your arm, because I do care." He sounded quiet, like I had hurt him.

I looked up at him. The moment our eyes connected I lunged forward and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around me as I began to cry.

God I was becoming a crybaby.

I spoke quickly, all my words smashed into one breath. "I'm sorry Patch, I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry, I'm such a fuck up, I didn't mean to hurt you! And last night, oh god last night, it was when Beau and Wynonna died and I almost- oh god Patch I'm sorry." Once my words were over I took one, deep, long, shaky breath and wept into his shirt.

"Hey, Princess its okay, it really is, all that matters is that you're okay." He whispered before kissing my cheek.

"No, its not okay, I'm not okay. I want to die. Constantly. I can't stop thinking about killing myself Patch." I whispered the confession to him.

With a frown he used the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe the tears off of my face. "You're going to get better, I need you to get better." He kissed my forehead.

I nodded, tears still falling from my eyes.

I wanted him.

"Patch." I kissed his neck. "I want you."

"No you don't." He whispered back.

"I do. This time I do Patch." I sounded more desperate than I should have.

He paused and watched me. He searched my eyes to tell if I was serious. "Are you going to panic this time?"

I shook my head. "No, Patch I want you. I want to be as close to you as I can be."

Patch leaned forward and kissed my neck. "On one condition." He mumbled in between kisses.

"Of course." I half moaned back.

He pulled away from my neck, his eyes now serious. "Next time you're upset, instead of hurting yourself you'll talk to me first."

I nodded. "I promise."

"Are you going to break your promise this time?"

"No. I don't want to hurt you again like that Patch. I won't break the promise." I spoke, eager to move on.

He smiled as if I had given him the best thing in the world. He moved his hands so that they were underneath my shirt and on my waist.

My heart sped up.

"If you want me to stop just tell me and I'll stop. Okay?" He asked me slowly.

I nodded.

In one fluid motion he pulled my shirt up and over my head. His hands were in the clasp of my bra. "You're okay Karma?"

He was moving so slowly that it was killing me. "Patch. I'm fine." My words were breathy and confident.

He made quick work of my bra, tossing it on the floor, quite a distance from the couch.

The cold air hit my chest sending a shiver down my spine. Suddenly feeling insecure I clumsily pulled off Patch's shirt then leaned forward to kiss him. I didn't allow my hands to explore, instead I kept one hand in his, and the other in his chest as our lips danced in perfect unison.

His hand left mine, both moved down to the button of my jeans. He unbuttoned and unzipped then as if he'd done it a million times.

The thought of him unbuttoning other girl's pants made me jealous, he was mine.

Then I was on my back, I don't know how or when it happened, but I was on my back and Patch was pulling off my pants.

Then the panic kicked in. His hands held my hips, he left small kisses from the waistband of my pantues, up my stomach, up my neck and to my lips.

I was scared.

He watched me, this is where I panicked last time. "Are you sure you want this Karma?" He asked me quietly.

I didn't want to say no. Even though I was afraid I nodded my head anyways. With one hand holding me securely on my side, just below my breast, he kept his lips against mine and used his free hand to slowly slide off my panties.

As I could feel the panic growing in my cheat a voice interuppeted us. "Jesus fucking Christ!"

We both jumped and looked up to see Malignant covering his eyes and leaning against the kitchen counter. My bra sat on the floor near him.

Patch seemed to find amusement in Malignants reaction. Silently and to myself I thanked Mali for saving me from another sexually awkward panic attack. Patch gave me my shirt as he pulled his back on.

Not bothering with my bra I pulled the shirt on and shyly put on my pants.

"We're dressed." Patch informed Malignant.

He turned towards us an awkward expression on his face. He looked down at my bra, grimaced and chucked it at me.

My face turned red and I hugged Patch's arm.

"Well this is awkward." Mali mumbled.

"At least we weren't full on having sex- yet." Patch purposely fueled the awkward tension.

"It could have been worse." I mumbled. "I could have been calling Patch 'Daddy'."

Pat h thought this was hilarious. Malignant face turned red. "I'm going back to sleep."

Patch and I looked at each other and in u is on began to howl with laughter. Malignant went back to his room.

Patch and I decided to watch a movie where we cuddled up against each other and it was so fucking perfect.
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